Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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