Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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