his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
