Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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