To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
