Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
