I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
