Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize