Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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