I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
