Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
