I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im holly from the hills drunk
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize