My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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