i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
