I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
