Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
