her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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