I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
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It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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