That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
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I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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