Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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