South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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