Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize