I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
