It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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