she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
