I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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