then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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