I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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