I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
