I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
