Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
