he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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