Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
