I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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