david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
