We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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