I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
