i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
