I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
