Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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