I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
