U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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