Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
