Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
