I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
