FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
