If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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