Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
