Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize