She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
