He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
