so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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