im drinking this country out of the recession.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
