I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
