In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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