whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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