I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
