I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
